Oops. Forgot to post this last night. I wrote this during swing dancing. I’ll post down my thoughts on this particular post and the original prompt at the end of the piece. This one isn’t up to my standard but I told myself I’d post it. Sorry.
‘This sucks. Can’t even sleep, it’s too damp, too dark, there’s no space to move.’
‘You know, I never really bought into any religion in particular, though for a long time I was raised in a Christian household. Did you know that? Eventually though, my belief in the Christian God tapered off as I started to explore different possibilities in order to, well, rather ironically, solidify my belief in Christianity. But other religions just made too much sense as — ooh; wait, sorry. Someone’s at the door. Got to kick it a few times to know that yes, I’m still well and alive in here, though it’s dark as shit, alongside a lot of other crap.
It’s harder than it looks, you know.
I wish you put in some effort too. Ngh. Alright. Now they know. They’re probably excited and all giggly from knowing that I’m still in here but dammit. They don’t know what it’s like. Can’t move, can’t breathe. Just stuck here, in perpetual… life.’
‘But anyway; where was I? Religion. Right. So I started to check out other stuff, right, but instead of checking out the Hindus and Buddhists, the people never really hurt anybody, or at least, not as much as the others, I decided to check out Islam. It was the rival and the most intrinsically blasphemous religion for any hardcore Christian. I was on a quest. I wanted to find out why it was that people could believe in such a violent, violent religion.’
Long story short, my studies, done in a high school class resulted in a more confused me than ever, because having read authorised English translations of their holy text, I realized I didn’t have anything real to fuel my personal crusade on, save on contradictions that couldn’t be proven logically by either side. Anyway. The way that this religion works sucks. You know what I mean, right?
I’d assume you do anyway. We’re essentially the same.
I like where this talk is going. It’s real swell. Has been for the past… so many months. Do you think they’ll be nice? Sweet? Nothing?
Oh come on. Don’t you ever think about what you’re going to do when you get out of here? I mean, it’s like a brand new, second chance right? I mean, maybe not, but it’d be nice to think that we’ll emerge with everything forgiven and you know, with a chance to live a life without any more regrets, right? I wanted for so long to tell people that I was sorry and once I get out of here, I will. I also wanted to tell people who did it, but I mean, I gave up on that a while in after I realized that nobody was listening. Shouted and screamed for someone to hear who it was, because I saw his face. I saw his face and the flash of the blade before he pulled my hair up.
Screamed about it for a while, like I said, nobody was listening. I can’t remember his name. Rich? Brian? Burke? How do you spell any of those? God, it’s been so long, I can’t remember. What’s my name? Do you remember? Man. Everything’s fading away. That’s why we have to talk! Survive the torture! Torturing our tormentor really. Never been inside without getting inside, you know what I mean?
… If you won’t talk, I will. I think I want to become a writer. I think have the knack for it. And I want to get into space one day. I think that’d be fun. And I want to be a historian and finally figure out why the world is the way it is. Or is that sociology? Or anthropology? Can I do all of those at once? And explore the world. I’ve never been to Ever… thing. Mountain. Or the tower in… italy? Fence? Or anywhere in … that continent… place. Continent is the world I think. Ew. Been in here for so long that my memory’s going.
…Hah. You know what?
I don’t think you can actually hear me. I think that may you could be able to but it doesn’t see it. I can feel you there, even though quiet. Take up half space. Half food.
You a boy? Girl?
You girl, me girl?
Not fun. Can’t think.
You die too? Die by man too?
A few hours later, Megan and Samuel Anders held each other tightly as Megan screamed and screamed.
“Push!” the nurses prompted from both sides. “Push!”
Two young girls were born that day. Once upon a time they had different names, but long before they were christened with new ones, they had forgotten the old.
– j. NG
So, the prompt was: “Shortly after dying, you wake up as a newborn just now departing the womb. As the days pass, memories from your previous life begin disappearing.”
My piece SUCKS. The concept was simple enough, though I changed it from being newborn into being conceived, and it was going to be really simple; a person who was murdered, really really wants to tell people who did it, but can’t. Then it changed into some religious commentary on the idea of reincarnation and then I came up with the idea of, well, what if there’s a twin, and then this piece of crap came out.
Why is it bad? The dialogue is boring, isn’t carried forward, and well, the final idea of memory being lost isn’t that great of an idea.
If anything the only interesting part that I would have would be the fact that two people being reincarnated into biological twins… is slightly interesting. And would suggest that they died on the same day.
Anyway. I feel like I let you guys down with this one, but this one’s getting past the filter, gotta post the bad with the good, and it’s not … god-awful. I just have higher expectations for myself.
Plus, I just read the reddit prompt’s page and the comments and the top voted story is much better than mine.